Like most little girls, I had a dream of marriage and a perfect family when I grew up. In fact, that was my deepest desire. If I never accomplished anything else in life, I would've been content to have achieved that. In 2017, I was on my way to realising my lifelong dream. I got married, and gave birth to a baby girl. Happily ever after until Jesus came was to come next.

At the opening of 2020, before the pandemic, I found myself being sent out of the home. With two suitcases, a baby bag and a one year old in tow, I relocated to where I had grown up. I had no steady income and I felt like a shell of myself, and not to mention--like an absolute failure. I had savings but I knew that wouldn't last forever and I had no idea what was next or how I would even take care of my baby. For months, I desperately pleaded with God to "make me good" and restore the marriage. I didn't want to be another divorce statistic, and I really believed it would've been restored. In the meantime, every negative thing you could think of, I rehearsed about myself.

One day, out of the blue, a song popped up on my phone. It spoke exactly to how I was feeling but I couldn't understand or even accept the part that said God was not done with me and that He had a plan for me.

During the day time, I faked a smile and tried to keep myself together for my daughter's sake. Days when the pain became too unbearable to plaster on a fake smile, I would find a place to hide and weep, hoping my daughter wouldn't see me in that state. I felt like my life was over and since I didn't fear death anymore, I welcomed the idea wholeheartedly. However, I would think about my daughter and what would happen if I were to die and leave her behind.

God truly wasn't done with me. It was when I was at my lowest that He revealed Himself to me as my Comforter, Revelator and the God who sees (El Roi). During the night seasons, He would speak words of comfort to my heart as tears burned my cheeks. He revealed that I was in a marriage with a covert narcissist and it was He who pulled me out to save me. I was dying a slow death and He loved me too much to leave me in that environment.

I was shattered as I researched about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. Everything I had been experiencing finally had language. The more I researched, the more hopeless I felt about my life but God gave me one verse that I held close to my heart: "For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving and the voice of melody" (Isaiah 51:3). I didn't know how it was possible or even what that would look like but with the little bit of faith I had, I believed God's word to me. Now it was time to walk through my healing process with God. I needed to be healthy for myself and my daughter. I pressed deeper into God through prayer and reading the Word. He placed me in the right places with the right people to receive the love I needed to love me back to life and have the will to live and not just exist.

The journey has been painful but it is this pain that God has used to produce supernatural growth in me in a few short years (and I am still learning and growing!). I discovered things about myself that I never knew--both good and bad. I began to experience God in ways I had only heard testimonies about. I have experienced miracles that I thought were reserved for the most holy people which I definitely am not (LOL).

In 2022, God gave me the idea for Growing Through Pains. It was time for me to share what He had been teaching me. I was afraid but I started a blog which I shared with only a select few people. Now here I am in 2024, ready to launch into the unknown and help as many as I possibly can. The lessons God has been teaching me are not just for me but for so many others, especially women, who find themselves where I once was.

"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." 2 Corinthians 1:3,4.

I am often amazed as I reflect on my journey thus far and all I can say is , God is good (I don't say that in a cliché way). What I thought was my greatest loss, was actually the thing I needed to catapult me into fulfilling my purpose. I have gained so much more than what I lost and I would have it no other way. What the devil used to try to destroy me, God has turned it for my good. My hope is that you will be encouraged and renewed in hope as you navigate your painful seasons. Rest assured that it is not to kill you but to prune you so you bear much good fruit. God loves you with a love stronger than death and He will NEVER waste your pain.

With love,